2016 has been a year of loss for me.
Not the 'losing' kind of loss, far from it, but the 'letting go' kind.
Years ago, I took great pride in knowing lots of folks, having lots of friends and being invited to lots of events. I took great pride in the fact that I held coveted and demanding positions with multinational Fortune 100 companies, and that I was paid handsomely for my service. I regularly put in 60 hour weeks, working late into the evening and attending swanky events on behalf of my employers. The truth is that I enjoyed feeling sought after, and I felt a sense of accomplishment in working hard.
When I left the corporate world, I gradually shifted gears and turned my energy toward building my own business. So began a new cycle of meet-ups, projects and events.
In 2014 that all came to a screeching halt. It's the year I had my children and the year I moved into a new time zone. Don't get me wrong, I didn't actually move across country. I moved into the new mother's there's-not-enough-time-in-the-day zone, where it was hard to think of anything outside of feedings and diaper changes. Thankfully most of my family and friends were understanding when I pulled away.
In 2016, I began to get back into the swing of things -- yes, it took me two years -- and made space for friends and meet-ups. However, it quickly became clear that I'd have to bring more consciousness to how I spent my time, because my world had expanded to include two little people but the number of hours in the day had not.
This was hard at first because it meant that I missed some significant events in the lives of people I cared about, and ultimately, that I let go of some long-standing relationships. As difficult as it was to let go, the process was pivotal to my being able to balance a full family and work life.
I currently live in the every-moment-of-my-time-is-precious zone and, while my social calendar is not as poppin' as it once was, every relationship in my life truly feeds and fulfills me. If you've chosen a life path with responsibilities of family, work, friends, etc., here are five ways for you to get into the zone, so that you can show up as your best self with the people you live, play and work with. 1. GET CLEAR ON WHAT YOU CAN REASONABLY ACCOMPLISH IN A GIVEN DAY One reason we overextend ourselves is that we overload our to-do lists, and pressure ourselves to get everything done yesterday. Take a look at your list holistically and prioritize the most important items, then space out or outsource the rest. You don't have to do everything today, or do everything yourself. Most importantly, make sure that there are open spots on your calendar every day. This is for YOU time. These moments are just as important as client meetings and family dinners. You time replenishes and heals, and is sacred. 2. STAY IN YOUR OWN ENERGY Another reason that we get overwhelmed is that we go into obligation and people pleasing. Excitement and anxiety are equally contagious. Whether folks come with their wins or worries, it is easy to bandwagon without thinking. Learn to listen without internalizing. Celebrate wins, show compassion, and weigh the explicit or implicit 'ask' against your 'what I can reasonably achieve in a day' list before committing your time and energy. This puts you in a place to be dependable and build trust in all of your relationships. 3. KEEP YOUR WORD This one seems like a no-brainer, but the road to broken relationships is littered with broken promises. No matter how good your intentions are, if you skip steps 1 and 2 it is difficult to keep your commitments consistently, and no one wants to be the person who over-promises and under-delivers. 4. RELEASE THE NO-SHOWS IN YOUR LIFE As you begin to master steps 1-3 you'll start to notice that there are some around you who live in a different time zone. They seem to want a piece of your time but tend to reschedule constantly or wind up being late- or no-shows. You teach people how to treat you, so let them know that they're important to you, that you want to see them, and that it's important to you that they keep their commitments. Remember #3, and keep your commitments to them. Some will show up and some won't. Release those who don't with love. 5. CHERISH THE REST At the end of this process, you will have sent a message that is so crystal clear to the Universe about the kind of energy you want in your life, that you'll begin to attract only trustworthy, supportive people. Cherish them. PS. Ready to get into the zone? Then join my FREE series : 5 Days of Forgiveness: Creating Magic and Miracles in Your Relationships. During this series I will be leading you through a transformational forgiveness process where you'll let go of the resentments holding you back in your most important relationships, so that you can go about the joy of loving and living. To join, Register Here.