Originally published on Amani Resources website, April 21, 2015
Welcome to the Amani Resources Blog, where we offer SOUL STORIES to inspire and inform. Through storytelling we harness the power of prose and of poetry to share our personal healing journey. We hope you’ll visit often and share some stories of your own.
This Soul Story is written by Tasneem Grace Tewogbola, and based on a series of interviews and conversations with Amani Resources founder, Panya Walker.
Soul Story: The Masterpiece
Years before conception, she lay claim to the title.
Mother. Mama. Mommy.
Years before names are chosen and prayers murmured. Before test sticks and diaper changes. Before swollen ankles, dimpled grins and bone-deep fatigue, she knows.
One day, as certain as spring rain and morning dew, she will become Mother.
And her husband will be Father. Poppa. Daddy.
And together they will birth a masterpiece.
For three years they nestle themselves in cooing conversations spoken in future tense.
Oh, what will our daughter be like?
Who says we’ll have a girl?
Well, then what will our son be like?
Either way, our baby will be brilliant.
She’ll have your eyes.
He’ll have your smile.
And our love.
Time passes and the pillow talk shifts from wanting and waiting to curiosity and concern.
Before they are expecting they expect a straight line to run from desire to destiny.
But this path unfolds with twists and unexpected lessons.
So while they feel a child waiting to be welcomed into their lives, they decide they need prayer and professionals to help conceive their dream.
The path twists.
She lays on tables in cold rooms where no one lays hands.
She is prodded and pricked and injected and measured.
She becomes a client, a case, a problem that needs solving, a situation to test and monitor.
A skinny line sits between science, spirit and truth.
She kneels and balances there, quieting worry with words.
I am the Gatekeeper. Spirit is my salvation.
I trust the Divine to guide the hands and minds of these doctors.
I am mother. Mama. Mommy.
In all things, God’s will be done.
The path twists.
She travels to Brazil on a quest for soul healing and fertility. She carries a life within that is small as sand.
She returns home with an empty womb, dull grief and a mission.
You seek health and prosperity? Then help others heal and be prosperous.
You believe in God? Then get out of the way. Let go.
Trust and allow.
All is well.
Six months after her quest, after hours of service and meditation, after rest and restoration, after making love and speaking peace, after gulping blessed water and grasping hope, two lines appear on another test stick. Again.
And this time two babies take root in her womb.
The Gatekeeper guards her post.
She climbs off the doctor’s table, declines more tests and chooses, with her husband, to speak only of life, miracles, faith and wellness.
A family-built barrier of joy surrounds them like a chain of clasped hands.
The babies grow fat from daily doses of acceptance, patience, trust, awareness, sweetness and love.
And then a year ago, in late April, the twins are born at home, healthy and beautiful.
Aaran Haru: a son with his father’s eyes.
Ashima Rose: a daughter with her mother’s smile.
The path widens to make room for eight feet, four hearts, two babies, one love and immeasurable joy.
The children – toddlers of curly-haired, wide-eyed unimaginable cuteness present the lessons they were born to bring.
Mommy and Daddy move softer and slower now. Their laps and arms are often full of children. Or laundry, bibs and bottles.
Their conversation is full of babyspeak, sweet talk and lullabies.
They are determined to raise the children with the gifts their parents gave them: creativity, fun, self-discovery and heart-guided thinking.
Mommy and Daddy are right where they dreamed they would be: In flow and in peace and in love with their masterpiece.